Why I Passed on "Sober-ish" and Went Cold Turkey on Alcohol

When I first got separated and divorced, I didn’t immediately connect the dots between alcohol and the way I was feeling. (Alcohol was fun! Having drinks with the girls was a blast! And I could even do it at home, alone! Woohoo!)

But over time, something started to gnaw at me. A question I couldn’t ignore:

What if this glass of wine I’m reaching for at 6pm isn’t helping me cope—but keeping me from actually healing? What if this crushing anxiety keeping me awake at night could be avoided? What if this promise of fun and excitement is wrecking my long-term health? 

At the recommendation of a friend, I recently read This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. I wasn’t planning to go “sober” exactly. I just wanted to understand why I was drinking the way I was (and if it was even problematic)—and what it was doing to my mind, body, and spirit.

I had read several books aimed at midlife women that focused on moderation and being "sober-ish." But what I found in that particular book (and in myself once I started processing all that it said) changed everything.

Why “Sober-ish” Didn’t Work for Me

I tried moderation.
The “just on weekends” approach.
The “only at social events” rule.
I took a few weeks off of drinking every now and then. 

But all of it still centered alcohol in my life (or the struggle I felt when I was decidedly abstaining)—and none of it gave me the freedom I was looking for.

For me, “sober-ish” became a grey area that blurred my boundaries and kept me stuck in a loop of shame, rationalization, and negotiating with myself.

What I really needed wasn’t control.
It was clarity.

Alcohol as a Distraction (Not a Solution)

Looking back, I can see how alcohol was a convenient way to disconnect.

It dulled the pain of long, lonely nights.
It numbed the stress of solo parenting weeks.
It helped me “tolerate” dates I probably shouldn’t have been on in the first place.

Drinking gave me a false sense of connection, when what I really needed was authenticity.

When I stopped drinking, I realized how many of those “fun” nights were actually moments of avoidance. How many of those “relaxed” conversations were blurred. And how many of my feelings I’d stuffed away in the name of “unwinding.”

The Costs I Couldn’t Ignore

The emotional numbing was only part of it.

There were also the nights of poor sleep. 
The mornings waking up groggy or anxious. (Hello, hangxiety)
The time and money spent on something that ultimately left me feeling worse—not better.

And when I really started to listen to myself, I noticed something else: I was craving a drink most when I was stressed, triggered, or overstimulated.

That craving didn’t feel like freedom.
It felt like a trap.

Going Cold Turkey = Coming Home to Myself

When I made the decision to go fully alcohol-free, it wasn’t about perfection or punishment. It was about reclaiming ownership over my time, energy, and identity.

It was about living fully awake—not half-present.

Here’s what changed:

• I sleep better. Like, actually rest. No racing thoughts and 2am headaches.

• I save money - not just from alcohol, but from the food I'd inevitably purchase to go with it, and the drinks I'd buy for others once my inhibitions were lowered.

• I show up to dates as myself, not the slightly buzzed version trying to please someone or prove that I'm the life of the party despite feeling like the weight of the world is sometimes on my shoulders.

• I’ve found healthier ways to cope with stress—and they actually work.

• I no longer have to wonder if I “went too far” or “said something dumb.”

• I drive home after dinner parties, concerts, and hanging out at friends' houses with zero concern over whether I've had one too many. 

I have fewer regrets and more clarity.
Fewer foggy nights and more quiet confidence.

And maybe even more importantly: my kids see me living alcohol-free...and happier for it. 

This Isn’t a Lecture. It’s an Invitation.

I’m not here to tell you what you should do.
I’m just here to share what worked for me—because it’s one of the biggest and most unexpected shifts in my post-divorce transformation (if not THE most unexpected).

If you're feeling like alcohol might be quietly taking more than it's giving…
If you’ve tried “sober-ish” and still feel stuck…
If you’re craving clarity, peace, and alignment...

You’re not alone.