How Live Music Helped Me Find Joy and Healing After Divorce

I’ll never forget the moment I realized that live music would play a key role in my healing journey after divorce. A few months into my separation, I found myself struggling with a few days without my kids—days when the emotional weight felt especially heavy. I always scheduled therapy on those days because I knew I’d need the extra support. During one session, my therapist gave me a challenge: find a show to attend that night. It didn’t matter if I knew the band or if it was a big event; the point was to do something right then.

At the time, I was living in Asheville, North Carolina, so finding live music nearby was easy. I bought a ticket to see Charlie Starr and Benji Shanks of Blackberry Smoke at The Grey Eagle, a venue I’ve since come to love. I’d never heard of them before, but a quick listen on Spotify convinced me it could be a good time.

That night marked the beginning of my love affair with live music—a form of therapy that helped me heal in ways I never expected.

My Love Affair with Live Music

I give my therapist credit for many things in the months after my separation, but I have to say... her seemingly simple suggestion to attend a concert was probably the most impactful. I had no idea that live music would become such a major part of my transformation, so naturally, I wondered if there was scientific evidence to support its benefits.

Turns out, there’s plenty!

How Live Music Helps Heal After Divorce

Let’s dive into how live music can help improve mental health, especially after a tough life change like divorce.

Concerts are a Shared Experience

Divorce can often leave us feeling isolated, disconnected, and overwhelmed by emotions. Shared experiences—like attending a concert—can be incredibly powerful in helping us heal. Sociologist Émile Durkheim coined the term "collective effervescence" (I love this so much!), describing the sense of energy and emotional connection we experience when we gather together for a common purpose. Whether it's with friends, strangers, or even just in the shared experience of the music, live shows can provide a sense of belonging and community that’s hard to find in solitude.

Live Music Benefits Our Physical Health

Research in psychology and sociology is increasingly showing how the arts—especially live music—can support healing after major life events like divorce. Studies have found that live concerts can lower cortisol, the stress hormone that governs our body’s response to stress. Since sustained high cortisol levels are linked to health issues like heart disease and diabetes, this reduction is especially beneficial for anyone dealing with the stress of a divorce.

Even more surprising? Live music can lower blood pressure and heart rate, promoting a calming effect when we need it most. And it doesn’t stop there—live music has been shown to trigger the release of endorphins, which help alleviate both physical and emotional pain. For those of us working through the pain of divorce, attending a live concert can be a surprisingly powerful tool for recovery, helping to ease the tension and reconnect us with both ourselves and others.

Live Music Improves Mental Health

Healing after a divorce often means finding new ways to reconnect with yourself and the world around you. Live music can play a significant role in this process. One study found that engaging with music—whether through dancing or attending a concert—leads to a marked improvement in well-being, with participants reporting better moods and a stronger sense of connection to others. Concerts combine music with social interaction, creating an experience that can profoundly impact mental health.

Live music also triggers the release of oxytocin, the bonding hormone, which enhances feelings of vitality, companionship, and trust. Plus, it boosts dopamine, the "feel-good" hormone. For those navigating the emotional fallout of divorce, these neurochemical shifts can support healing in unexpected ways. Music has even been prescribed to treat depression and improve mood, and one study found that live music was “better for your mental health than yoga.”

Beyond the chemical benefits, music offers a space for emotional expression—helping us process feelings that might be difficult to articulate. Whether it’s through the release of stress, the connection to others, or simply allowing us to feel, live music can be a key part of healing after divorce.

Live Music Improves Brain Function (and Who Doesn’t Need That?)

After divorce, it’s common to feel mentally and emotionally drained, and finding ways to recharge our minds is an important part of the healing process. Listening to live music can give your brain the workout it needs. Music challenges the brain to process unfamiliar sounds, which improves creativity, memory, and clarity. Live music, in particular, has been linked to improved cognitive function—even in patients with dementia. Studies have shown that music activates more areas of the brain than language, and fascinatingly, babies process music before they can even understand speech!

Research has also shown that listening to music increases brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), a protein that promotes the growth of new brain cells. In other words, music helps keep your brain young, sharp, and resilient.

For those of us healing after divorce, regularly attending live music events can boost creativity, cognitive abilities, and mood. Plus, it can help lower stress hormones while boosting endorphins, dopamine, and oxytocin—chemicals that promote happiness and connection. The experience of social connection at a live show also helps enhance overall well-being. Studies even suggest that people who enjoy live music regularly may live up to nine years longer!

My Own Story of Live Music and Healing After Divorce

Since that first concert, I’ve seen dozens of shows, including performances by:

• Taylor Swift (obviously)
• Maren Morris (x2)
• Bon Iver
• Mt. Joy
• Gregory Alan Isakov (my all-time favorite - x4)
• Fleet Foxes
• Luke Combs (Stagecoach 2022)
• Jason Isbell
• Margo Price (in this blog post photo)
• Amanda Pearl Shires
• And dozens more!

Two Gregory Alan Isakov performances stand out in my memory. The first left me in tears midway through the show, and by the time I walked out of The Orange Peel, I felt completely transformed. The lights, sounds, and the company of a dear friend created a surreal experience. So moved, I drove to Nashville just two days later to see him again.

At that show, I met a kind 17-year-old who, during the encore, hugged me and said, "My parents made me come to this, and I had no idea how emotional it would be!" We hugged, sang, cried, and laughed together—what a moment. Since then, I’ve had the incredible privilege of watching Gregory and his band from the side stage at Edgefield in Oregon. Life-changing, to say the least.

It’s Your Turn: Go See a Show!

You might be thinking, "Aren’t concert tickets expensive?" It’s true that big-name shows can get pricey, but don’t let that stop you. Local bands often have shows for just $10–$15, and many communities offer free concerts.

If you live in a rural area, consider attending a larger show in a nearby city a few times a year. Trust me, the experience will be incredibly healing as you navigate life after divorce.

The bottom line: get out there and start your live music journey. You won’t regret it. In fact, it might just be life-changing!